Sunday PM: It’s Over

Sunday morning, when I wrote my last post, I was waiting to call my sister so we could go on over to the hospital. Turns out when I called at 8:08, she’d just arrived, having left her home in New Mexico later than she’d anticipated. She said she’d go right over so I dawdled a bit to give her some alone time with Mother and left about 9:30 for the 10 am meeting with the Hospice Administrative nurse.

The hospitalist was at the nurses station when I arrived and told me pretty much what I knew from yesterday, but added that Mother now had renal failure to go with the rest of it. They still had her on morphine. I went in to find my sister absent and Mother sleeping. She woke up when I sat down next to her and asked me to hold her hand (which is WAY out of character for her), but didn’t seem to be all there, not really making eye contact now. Soon the Hospice nurse arrived to explain the hospice program and evaluate the situation. My sister came not long after that, and joined the discussion.

We were uneasy about moving Mother, knowing that transfers from beds to stretchers and bumpy rides would surely cause her pain, but the nurse said they’d have her drugged up enough it wouldn’t be too awful and that the hospice would be much more peaceful for her. It would be quiet and they would leave her alone, not constantly checking for vitals and such, confining their care to making her comfortable rather than well. Finally we decided that would indeed be the best choice.

They came for her at noon, and Deb rode with her while I picked up a Subway sandwich and drove over separately.

The hospice was amazing. Beautiful. A gorgeous, top notch facility and the staff were wonderful. Mother’s private room had a pair of french doors that opened onto a patio where they had a fountain going. It was quiet and peaceful as promised. Deb and I sat on the couch and talked for most of the afternoon. Mother’s hospice nurse said that it looked like she was in the last stages of the “dying process,” and that death was near. But “near” could mean hours or a couple days.

I prayed the Lord would not take her until Adam and Kim got here. They’d called that morning to say they were on their way and expected to arrive around 5) So mid afternoon I took Deb back to the hospital to get her car and we split up. I went home to get the art stuff off the office bed where the kids would sleep. They arrived about 5 or so and we all went over to see Mother at the hospice. We got there about 5:45pm, parked beside my sister’s car and went in to find Mother in the room alone and eerily still. When I came up to the bed and said “Hi Mother. Adam’s here. Kim’s here… Stu’s here…” she didn’t respond and I began to notice that she wasn’t just breathing slowly, with great pauses, she didn’t seem to be breathing at all. Only the muscles on her throat and jaw moved, but that was more like twitching than breathing. Alarmed,  I called the nurse, the techs came in, they saw her, said she had passed, we cried, then the night shift nurse came in and said otherwise, so we pulled ourselves together while the night nurse examined her.

She was still breathing, said the nurse,  just very shallowly and very, very slowly. She was now in the final stages of dying. Deb had stepped out of the room to talk to a social worker, and I kept asking people to go find her and get her in there. Finally they did.

Turns out that no more than 10 minutes before we arrived, Mother’d been as she’d been all day, still breathing, though loudly and with difficulty. Now she was breathing so softly it was discernible only to experts. The nurse held a stethoscope to her chest and at 6pm, with her entire family in attendance, the Lord took her.  Thus God answered yet another prayer, amazing all of us with His timing.

For me, it confirmed my thought that the previous night would be my final chance to speak to her about the Lord. Not only last chance to speak to her, but last chance to have her understand me and respond, for she was never afterward as cognizant as she was then. I’m more convinced than ever, in retrospect, that she was saying yes to what I had told her about believing in Christ. And I’m claiming that verse about he who overcomes will not be hurt by the second death.

And now she’s gone. I think of her going to a place of no more sorrow, no more pain, no more tears, no more death… a place where I’ll see her again.

Can’t wait!

10 thoughts on “Sunday PM: It’s Over

  1. Nona

    Karen, my condolences at your loss. Blessings to you and yours in this time of grief and rejoicing. My heart and prayers are with you.

    ~Nona

    Reply
  2. Celeste Trahan

    Dear Karen, Your posts have been such a blessing to me. I have been reading them since I read your “Legend of the Guardian King” series. I am so sorry to hear about your mom passing. I know how you are feeling. My sister, who I was very close to, passed away in February. She was 58, and was diagnosed with lung cancer that had spread all over her body in a matter of two months, so needless to say, we didn’t have long to be with her. She was very much in love with Jesus, and was ready to go be with Him. So, what is sorrow for us, is great joy for them!! Towards the end, we believed God wanted to raise her up, but I also believe that God gave her a choice: “Do you want to stay, or come be with Me?” So, she is dancing and rejoicing today with the love of her life (she loved to dance before Him in worship), and I believe your mom is enjoying His presence as well. He never ceases to amaze me with His mercies and His timing! The more of my loved ones that go to be with the Lord, the more homesick I get. There are several of them there now. I am so glad that this life is not all there is!! Now, more than ever, eternity is in my thoughts and heart. May God comfort and bless you and yours during the days and months to come. In Christ, Celeste Trahan

    Reply
  3. Caryn Knoch

    Karen,

    I’m heartbroken to hear of the passing of your mother, but praising God that she is now with Him and that you had the chance to speak with her about Jesus before her death. I’m praying for comfort for you and your family and will continue to do so during this difficult time.

    With Love,
    Caryn

    Reply
  4. Lori

    Karen,
    I am saddened by your loss, but encouraged by your precious story of being able to share Jesus with your Mom in the end. What a comfort to know she is in Good Hands. May the Lord bless and comfort you and your family, too.

    Reply
  5. Shelly D.

    God is so amazing and His timing is perfect! I’m joyful that He has given you peace about your mother’s decision. Don’t you know she has been met with a huge celebration! I pray that you have peace and joy settle in your heart any time you miss your mom from here on out. Blessings in abundance to you and your family.

    Reply
  6. Gayle Coble

    Karen, His promises… His prefect timing…His prefect provisions…May you rest in the knowledge that all is well with your Mother. Life on earth goes on, but for those who have departed to be with the Lord Jesus Christ the details of life have been passed bye and nothing remains of the old things. My prayers continue for you and your family. I rejoice with you…Gayle

    Reply
  7. KC Frantzen

    With the very real reminder of Resurrection Day approaching, what a joy.

    We are with you in your grief, and your celebration.

    (((hugs))) to you Karen.

    I tell you the truth, he who believes has everlasting life. John 6:47

    Reply
  8. Rebecca LuElla Miller

    Karen, I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. May the God of all comfort give you the measure of comfort you need when you need it.

    It is a hard thing when your mom dies. No matter how old we are, no matter what hope we have, we still grieve. May God’s abiding presence uphold you and strengthen you for the days ahead.

    I’ll keep you in prayer.

    Becky

    Reply
  9. Loren Warnemuende

    Dear Karen,

    I’m continuing to pray for you and your family as you grieve over the loss of your mom. As Celeste mentioned in a comment, I long for heaven more as more of those I love go there. I’m sure your heart feels that as well–and yet is rejoicing that your mom IS there!

    In the past couple months I’ve heard three accounts (including your mom) of ones in their final hours/days coming to the Lord, and I am reminded of His marvelous grace. Even when someone has pushed Him back for years, there are those times when He gives the final waiting space, the time of helpless quiet when His voice and hand can finally be heard and felt, and He draws the person into His arms. How thankful I am for this!

    ~Loren

    Reply

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