Undecided and Unfocused

Well, here I am on Sunday evening, and I really don’t know what happened. It’s been almost two weeks since I worked on Sky. And, as is obvious to regular readers of this blog, I’ve also fallen off the wagon of doing five posts per week no matter what!!!!

Part of that was Introvert’s Fatigue, as I’m calling it. Doing a lot of things, absorbing a lot of information, consciously or unconsciously, and then needing not only to rest but to process. I wonder, often, if this is getting worse as I age, or if there’s simply more information to process. Or if there’s simply more to do than I think. Kind of along the lines of that problem I have with the space-time continuum.

Because when I come home after a trip, it’s not to this peaceful, sublime place where I can rest for a few days and then move gently and gracefully back into my routine.

No, the routine is in shambles, I have doubled loads of laundry to get done, the plants need tending to, the house is a mess from all the packing to leave and unpacking upon return. Sheets need washing, towels need washing, floors swept, carpet vacuumed, groceries to be bought… Blog posts “need” to be written, photos uploaded, selected, edited for the posts, the mess leftover from The Big Project needs to be dealt with…

And in the midst of all that I’m wandering around like… well… I hate to use this analogy, but I’m rather like Quigley in a target rich environment of different smells. I’ve succumbed repeatedly to the tendency I’ve described before where I go into another room to get something, see something new in the new room, forget entirely what I was doing in the old room, and start doing the new something, pull boxes off shelves, partially pull out the contents, move into another room to get something else, forget what I was doing in room two and go outside to hang out the laundry, return to deal with some of the paperwork on the table, then suddenly decide to go read blogs… that’s been really bad last week, what with the debate.

[Which I actually managed to watch in entirety —  except for the times I had to walk out of the room because I got so agitated….(“Calm down, Karen. Now go back in there and sit down and listen quietly. It’s okay…”)]

In addition to all that, or maybe in the middle of it, when I actually TRY to decide what to do, I can’t, because a flood of “you shoulds” and  “you musts” and “don’t forget about thats” and “you needs” engulfs my brain, and I don’t know which to pick. So then I go read blogs…

Why is that the default I wonder? Why is it easy to “not-decide” to read blogs? By which I mean, I don’t sit there and evaluate everything and consciously decide, it’s more like I get the sudden desire to read them and I act on it. Whereas everything else is a big …“I don’t know. Should I clean the bathroom? What about washing the kitchen floor? Maybe I should do tricks with Quig but I don’t want to. I should get started on my Christmas cards and…”

And then somehow I find myself sitting in front of the computer reading Drudge for “just a minute,” again. It’s like I was enspelled…

Or maybe I was just tired.

8 thoughts on “Undecided and Unfocused

  1. Karen Siemens

    Well exactly why I’m here reading this after a crazy day instead of preparing the lesson I have to teach at 9:30 tomorrow. lol

  2. mylittlebub

    This is so clearly your process of converting over-stimulation back into coherent thoughts. I’ve seen it before, you need the wandering the reading and what seems like disconnected activity to rest your mind and to re-energize. It’s sort of that artist brain thing. All those activities give your own head a chance to work through thoughts, feelings and issues. If you try and force yourself into being a “good worker” you are cutting off a very healthy download. Go ahead and read those blogs, they will inspire you to write posts eventually and by all means go from one task to the next,you might find yourself working through issues as God leads you from spot to spot. After-all walking through doorways has shown to bring you into different thought rooms as well.

  3. Gayle Coble

    I came to the conclusion several years ago, that if I died physically this very minute and am face to face with the Lord Jesus Christ, that the last thing He is going to ask me are the following: Did you dust your house ? Was the yard mowed? Is your kitchen cleaned up? Is your ironing done? I could probably answer yes…most of the time. But just keeping it in mind has helped me to put aside what is or what is not completed. I make a list to get through in a week and if I do great and if not, okay. In fact I think I will start another knitted helmet liner….

    1. karenhancock

      Love this, Gayle! I especially liked the part where you say, “I could probably answer yes… most of the time.” Puts a different spin on it all for me.

  4. Rebecca LuElla Miller

    I suspect you were tired. Often when I find myself diddling, that’s what’s behind it.

    But on another note, I don’t remember if I’ve mentioned this before or not, but I read one agent who said she ends her day by making a list of what she is to do the next day. I like that. I still haven’t trained myself to do it, but I think it would keep me much more focused, though I tend to think I can accomplish more than I actually am able. Still, half a list finished is better than nothing finished at all.


    1. karenhancock

      Thanks, Becky. I am quite familiar with the listing idea, but so far have not been able to use it to advantage. Instead of a guide, it turns into something to flail myself with… Although that may be changing now. Maybe. I hope. (See my 4 November post)

      1. Rebecca LuElla Miller

        While I think it’s a great idea, I still have to put it in practice. I’m moving on to your Nov. 4 post next. Maybe I’ll pick up some pointers. I’ve learned to give myself permission to leave goals unfinished … so much so that they really aren’t accomplishing anything any more. I feel no pressure to really do what’s on my list.

        There must be a happy medium.



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